Monday, February 15, 2010

The Cost of Being Happy.

I'm twenty five but when I hear the forecast and it calls for snow I am twelve all over again. I hope and pray that it will be enough snow to get me a snow day. I go to school twice a week and have just started this semester yet I am hoping tomorrow I will be granted another snow day. I was lucky enough last week that mother nature decided to reek havoc but I doubt I will be as lucky tomorrow. I spent two days last week on my couch catching up on movies. It was the best two days. Sometimes you really just need to do nothing. However I have been doing a lot of nothing lately. I blame it on my lack of funds. I know I can go out and find things to do that are free and/or cost relatively nothing but I don't have the drive to do so. I miss the days when I lived at home. My paycheck was exactly that Mine. I didn't have to divide it out for rent, cable, electric and the numerous credit cards I now have. I lived the high life back then. Taking in Broadway shows, Concerts, Museums, weekend trips anything that my heart desired. Now I find myself not wanting to leave the confides of my apartment. If I go out I will spend money. Money that I don't have. Atleast that is my reasoning and I honestly believe it. I miss the life I used to live and I hate the fact that I so casually took it for granted. I think about how I could have put a little bit of my paycheck away. Even if it meant skipping one concert. I'm happy I got to experience all of that stuff as most people that age don't. However it set me up for a life of disappointment to follow. I was so used to being able to go and do whatever I wanted that now I get depressed everytime I can't go to the latest Broadway show. I was truly happy at that point in my life. Now not so much. I miss those days more than I can convey. I only hope that I am able to find that happiness again. Do you think I will be able to find it without the money I was once so used to? Is it possible to be happy when you are completely broke? Is happiness really up to you? Or are there more factors? As I prepare for another storm from mother nature I am conflicted. On one hand I hope she provides enough of the white stuff to keep me home from school. On the other hand I hope she doesn't and the snow on the ground melts. Warmer days come my way and I am able to get off the couch and start living my life again. I would love to just go to the park and swing on a swing without the fear of frostbite. Walk the beach without the wind belting me with sand. Go to the local zoo up the road from my house that doesn't cost a penny to enter. If I could have any of them all of which are free I think I would be happy again. So maybe I don't need money to be happy. I just need to stop wishing for mother nature to give me another excuse to sit on the couch.

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