Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Have You Ever...

Have you ever thought, Is it ever going to happen for me? I"ve been thinking about that a lot lately. To the point where it's kind of dragging me down into the dirt. Last night that was all I could think about. I found myself with tears in my eyes after I recieved another form rejection from an agent. My boyfriend could tell from the minute I walked in the door that something was off. I couldn't even bring myself to smile. After asking me a hundred times if I was okay and if he did something wrong, which I couldn't help but smile at that, I finally told him about my newest rejection. He asked why I didn't just tell him the first time he asked what was wrong and the truth is I was kind of embarrassed. I have never been so adament about anything in my life and I am so scared that my dream is not going to become a reality and my determination is going to be looked at as a failure or even worse a joke. Sometimes I feel like people just nod there head at me when I say I want to write books for a living as if they don't believe me but don't want to be rude about it. But if that's the case why do I even care what they think? I've proven people wrong time and time again so why can't I do it this time around? So last night my boyfriend told me "Don't give up and definietly don't get upset about it." He's  right because once I allow the rejections to take control of me that is when I will fail. I need to see them as a stepping stone to bettering myself and my work. I'll make it because I have never wanted anything so bad in my life before. It is one of the few things from my childhood that hasn't changed. On that note I will be writing all day.

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