Saturday, May 5, 2012

Day 2 Dust It Off Bloghop!!!

First off I want to thank everyone who is participating. I had so much fun hopping around and reading all of the pitches. They were all amazing. Cortney and I have our work cut out for us that's for sure. So without further delay let's jump right back into it.

It's day 2 of the bloghop so you know what that means. Time to post your favorite excerpt, 300-350 words, from your shelved WIP.  
Just to give you a little background on mine- Hailey has convinced everyone that her son is her brother and because her mom works nights she has to babysit. This particular scene she cancelled on her friend Roxy, who despises Luke for reasons still unknown, because she's "babysitting" but Luke shows up to her house uninvited, unexpected and she succumbs to his charm letting him in. This is their goodbye.
My excerpt from Prove Me Wrong:
“Luke!”  He turns and before he can say a word I jump into his arms, taking his mouth onto mine. Our lips move in perfect sync, his hands travel from the back of my neck down my spine. My knees become weak as I lose myself to Luke.
“Babysitting my ass!” I hear from across the lawn. I remove my lips from Luke’s to find Roxy across the lawn with a bag in hand.
“Shit!” I mumble under my breath. My heart pounds against my chest. This looks bad. Really, really bad.
“I better get going. Call you tomorrow,” Luke says, leaving me with Roxy. Alone. I’ll have to thank him later.
“It’s not what it looks like.”
“Oh really because it looks like you ditched me to spend the evening sucking face with the one person I despise the most.”
“I know that’s what it looks like, but it’s not. My mom really did get stuck at work.”
“You know what Hailey spare me. I should’ve known Luke would’ve won you over with his charm. He’s notorious for it just ask all the other girls he’s used and abused. You know what, when he dumps you and you are left alone don’t come crawling back to me. I warned you. Obviously our friendship meant nothing to you.”
“Roxy it’s...”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Roxy puts her hand up, stopping my unplanned, unrehearsed arsenal of explanations. When she lowers her one hand the other tosses a brown paper bag at my chest. “That’s a piece a cake. I felt guilty that you were home babysitting on a Saturday night so I brought you home a piece from the party. It’s obvious who the fool is here so I hope you choke on it.”
“Roxy!” I call out in a last attempt to salvage our friendship. Too little too late. She is already in her car peeling off down the road. How is it possible that one minute everything can seem absolutely perfect and then the next everything is falling apart?


40 comments:

  1. Aww, poor Hailey! Misunderstandings really suck!

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  2. Wow. 300 words and I'm already deeply invested in Hailey. Why did you ever shelf this one, Theresa? I absolutely adore it. ^-^

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    1. Thank you!! Unfortunately I jumped the gun and queried too soon :(

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  3. How can I get my hands on the rest of this story?! I must read it now.
    You managed to pack a punch in 300 words and I want to know more about why Roxy is so against Luke. Great excerpt.

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    1. Thanks!! And I'm always open to beta readers ;)

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  4. Busted!!

    Great last line. (It kinda sums of my scene too.)

    I also want to know more about why Roxy hates Luke. Love it.

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  5. I'll take a guess as to why she hates him. Nothing like a woman scorned? ;) I am curious as to whether or not he deserves her hatred; if he'll break Hailey's heart or not. Good job!

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    1. Good guess and that's exactly what I wanted everyone to think until the reveal. It goes deeper than that. And he doesn't deserve her hatred. At all :)

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  6. Woo, this is fabulous, and I love this phrase: arsenal of explanations. Great tension in this scene!

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  7. Oh fantastic. I love that it went from everything's great to everything's crap in seconds.

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    1. I love putting my MC's through the ringer :)

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  8. You've got a fantastic feel to your writing, Theresa. Love the voice, humor, the energy that pushes the story forward. Nice. :D

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  9. So why did this get shelved? I thought this little piece was wonderful!

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    1. Thank you, Danielle. My own impatience forced it onto the shelf.

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  10. Wow, what a gamut of emotions, and the scene flows so nicely from one to another. Nicely done.

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  11. “Babysitting my ass!” LOL.

    I could really feel the tension here between the two friends. This is great! What a wild ride. :)

    Andrea

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    1. Thanks, Andrea. A wild ride is exactly what this ms is :)

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  12. Tense moment! It makes me wonder why Roxy hates him so much.

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    1. I feel cruel for not telling lol

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  13. Love the last line!
    What a mess that one is ... poor Hailey!

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  14. Awesome excerpt! That's certainly a mess. Great tension and emotion here.

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  15. Brilliant!! Now that's how you describe a kiss - not an adjective or adverb to be found! We could all learn from this. Thanks for sharing and for the excellent hop :)

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    1. Aww thanks! And thank you for participating! It's been so much fun!

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  16. Nice tension with that relationship. =)

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  17. ooooh! What a place to stop. I want to know what he did to make Roxy hate him so much...

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    1. Such a tease I know! That's how I felt with everyone's excerpt. I was rethinking the 30-350 max word count that's for sure :)

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  18. Great scene! I love how it started so romantically and then all went downhill.

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    1. I love to put my characters through the ringer :) and thanks!

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  19. Yes. This is such a great story. I too remember the high when she was kissing him and then Roxy shows up and she hits bottom again. My exact words when Roxy showed up were 'Oh snap'. haha.

    And do you know that I've critiqued six of your stories!?!? Six! You are a wonder woman Theresa. So excited for the next one. :)

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    1. I know six is crazy! Pretty soon it's going to be like talking about our age. Like no it's not that many right? lol And if I'm a wonder woman than you are something much more than a wonder woman Ha! My brains not working right now I can't think of anything!

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  20. Ooh dear, best friend or boyfriend? Who does she chooooooooose? Love it :)

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    1. Can't make it easy for her! lol and thanks :)

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