Monday, April 25, 2016

The New Me

I made this list in November 2015 when I felt as if I was at a standstill. Was determined to make a change and get out of this horrible funk I was drowning in. These were the things that I felt would help me be a better me:

Read more
Write more
Watch more movies
Say yes more
Eat better and drink less
Quit the day job
Pay off credit cards
Finish a book
Stop letting fear control me
Stop making excuses
Beat my anxiety
Live in the now, don't dwell on the past, or worry about the future

I kept the post hidden, sitting in my drafts and looking at it every now and again as a reminder. I'm finally posting and I'm happy to say I have checked off more than half the list and I do feel like a better me.

Before I started this journey I was a ball of stress. My blood pressure was high, I was losing my hair, and my anxiety was so bad I was having panic attacks up to three times a day. And not just a small moment of panic, but full on heart racing, room spinning, can't get my breath, afraid I'm going to pass out, completely irrational thoughts that no matter what any one said I couldn't get it to pass. Just horrible.

My anxiety comes and goes now. It's not a constant anymore and for the most part I can control it when I feel it coming on. It is my biggest accomplishment because it began to control my life. I'd go out with my girlfriends and I'd have to leave the restaurant because an attack would hit, fight or flight would kick in and I always chose flight. I stopped doing things I loved, I cancelled plans constantly, made excuses to avoid situations that might set me off, and I was miserable. I missed doing things I loved, I missed my friends, and I was driving my poor fiance crazy.

My anxiety affected every single thing on this list and once I took control of my life, and stopped letting my anxiety control me, it was easy to make the changes. I still, however, have days and moments where it comes and I'm helpless to it, so it's still a process, but more days than not I'm the winner.

Now that this list is mostly accomplished I'm going to add to it and will eventually share again. So tell me, what would be on your list to get to a better you?